Saturday, July 13, 2013

Dude! I Need My Space!

I'm a big guy.  Not overweight.  Well, I could stand to lose another 15-20 pounds.  But I'm 6'3" and my weight yo-yos between 220-230 because of my love for the sugary goodness of things like my Starbucks coffee.  So I'm more vertically big than horizontally.  But I like space between me and the next person. 

When I go to the gym, I try to go when the fewest people are there.  I try to pick a cardio machine that is either on the end, or in the middle of ones being unused.  If I go to a ball game, I'll try for the aisle seat.  Same thing for theaters.  I'm not a total assbag; I understand if all seats or machines are taken that people have to use the ones next to me.  I don't have a problem with those people.  It's the people who aren't mindful enough not to crowd me.

Speaking of Starbucks, I need my space. See, I have this hangout spot where I go to on my time off.  I go there to go online, send e-mails, look for jobs, and apply for them.  I also waste a lot of time like everyone else does going to YouTube, eBay, and reading newspapers til my heart's content.  I like the high tables or the bar where I can sit down, plug in my computer and do the online thing.  But me being me, I don't mind sharing as long as I have my space. 

Which brings me to idiot.  Idiot is a well-intentioned young man, about my age.  He's got a good heart, but he annoys the piss out of me.  I almost always have my headphones on, blasting music to give people a sign that I don't want to be bothered, and I try to avoid making eye contact, especially when idiot enters my periphery. 

Whenever he talks to me, he wants to shake my hand.  He tries to do it the way young black males do it, which on him, a morbidly obese Caucasian who wears a lot of Hawaiian shirts, gives off a signal to bullies that here's a guy we can ridicule.  Sometimes he'll mention a recent trip he took to Northern Michigan (because I'm from there, we apparently "relate"), and will ask me a handful of questions before going about his merry way. 

I come to sit at the bar, two chairs away from the other guy sitting there (who frequents the place as much as I do).  Idiot is a friend of other guy who happened to show up tonight.  I try not to mind other guy much; I don't make much contact with him because he doesn't give off a good vibe, although I'm sure he's okay.  But as I'm sitting, idiot comes and plops down on the stool in between other guy and me.  And I don't like that.

Idiot seems undisturbed by the fact that he's in my space, which makes my blood pressure rise.  He carries on with his conversation, mainly because I'm too nice and don't wish to cause a scene.  He's done this before with other guy.  The worst part is, my noise-cancelling headphones from Bose can't seem to cancel out the noise coming from them talking! 

There was even an instance where idiot sat down next to me, pulled out his cell phone, and had a 30-minute conversation in Mandarin Chinese with the person on the other line.  It's bad enough I don't want to hear your conversation, now I know I don't want to hear it regardless of what language you're speaking in.  Makes me want to ask Bose for my money back.

This story ends the same way all my other ones do when being inconvenienced by others; I simply grin and bear it.  It's not worth causing a scene and the immediate regret I'll feel right after. 

God, I'm such a nice, f***ing guy.

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